PIRATE EYE 4: THE PIRATE-VIKING WAR
Chapter II
"The Siren of Death!"
After what seemed like well over a month -- certainly much longer that what was anticipated -- our balloon began to draw close to an island some short distance off Norway.
"There it is, Coughlan," said Fang, rousing me from my eighteenth daily slumber. "The Isle of Spines. The site for this year's Pirate-Viking negotiations."
I was somewhat groggy, not just from my interrupted nap, but also because I had been surviving on nothing but gummi bears, pocket dust and my own beard hair (which, when consumed by anyone other than me causes an unrivalled, 2 second high followed by 87 years of withdrawal symptoms), and I squinted at our destination.
"Isn't this Viking territory?" I asked.
"Aye," said Oglem, proudly. "The site alternates between territories every time."
"It must be this way," Fang added, "since there is very little sea left that does not belong to one faction. Part of the reason such negotiations are required."
"My mind is truly enraptured by such knowledge," I said sarcastically. In truth, I was more preoccupied by the Viking Investigator I was on my way to meet, and indeed work with. I had a suspicion and a fear at who it may be.
My ponderings where suddenly cast aside mid-ponder when I heard a strange, melodic voice drifting through the air. It sounded vaguely like a woman singing.
"Do you hear that?" I asked.
My companions looked about us. "Yes," said Fang. "Like... Like singing... But where's it--?"
"There!" cried Oglem, pointing off to the west.
In the direction he indicated, there appeared in the distance a beautiful naked woman walking through the clouds towards us. Upon noticing her, the song she sang seemed to become slightly louder and more beautiful, but still undefined, as if just out of earshot.
"Never have my eyes ever glanced upon so enchanting a maiden," said Oglem, his harsh voice softening. "We must go to her!"
"Yes..." said Fang absently. "Go to the pretty lady..." He began operating the balloon's complicated control mechanisms, angling us towards this beauty.
Although I myself was also taken with this perplexing woman, I had conveniently eaten dolphin brain not two days before setting off, and was thus smarter and more able to resist her unnatural charms.
I pulled Fang from the controls, but it was already too late, we were on course for her. "Damn you, fool!" I cried. "That is no comely maiden! 'Tis a Sky-Siren!"
I had shaken Fang from his daze, but Oglem reached out to the Sky-Siren and that was when we saw her true form. A great, terrible, many-tentacled, bat-winged bitch-beast from Hell's worst public toilet! One of her disgusting tendrils wrapped around Oglem's arm and pulled him from the basket. He yelled in manly terror, the illusion broken, and Fang and I grabbed his legs in vain.
"Fool me, eh, she-horror?!" he shouted, drawing one of his many axes from about his person and hacking at the monster fiercely.
Our attempts to pull Oglem back into the balloon were futile when matched against the creature's strength. Every limb Oglem hacked off was replaced swiftly with another.
"It's too strong!" Fang pointed out, like a loser.
"Let me go!" shouted Oglem, seeming to enjoy the struggle. "I shall vanquish this demon, or die like a madman trying! Go! Save yourselves!"
We were reluctant, but it seemed the only option. We released our hold and sent our Viking companion to his sure death, still battling the Sky-Siren ferociously. The balloon swung fast in the opposite direction, but not before one of the Sky-Siren's tentacles cut a hole in its skin!
With our vessel now plummeting rapidly there was no choice. "Emergency death slide exit!" I said to Fang, and he understood immediately.
He smashed the glass case and pulled the red lever beneath, instantly firing a line from us in the air right to the island. I took hold of the first set of handles positioned over the line, and looked back at Fang.
"If I don't make it, tell every woman on Earth... I'd bone her," I said to him before taking the plunge.
Like a doctor with no social skills, gravity took a firm grasp of my balls as I sped down the line at a rate of knots, passing kilometre after kilometre with the balloon sinking behind me. I had not the courage to look back or below but one thing I knew: This was kinda awesome.
Eventually I landed with a masterful skid into the Isle of Spines' beach, only for Fang to collide into me, ruining a perfect finish. As we stood and dusted ourselves off, we found a delegation already awaiting us, consisting of both Vikings and Pirates.
A Viking stepped forward. "This must be John Coughlan, the Pirate Investigator."
I didn't appreciate the tone with which he said my name, but Fang confirmed my identity.
"Hail. I am Prince Voggath the Broad." And he was indeed. "We saw your balloon approach." He pointed to the balloon, now sinking into the sea. "Tell us, what of Oglem?"
Fang gave a small bow. "He did not make it, Your Highness. We were attacked by a Sky-Siren."
Voggath folded his arms and the other Vikings looked rather annoyed by this. The Pirates also stood ill-at-ease. "How convenient that it took only Oglem's life," said the Prince.
"It is indeed," I said, clutching my lapels like a fancy big-city lawyer. "For Sky-Sirens are rarely found so close to land."
"You... You think someone was behind the attack?" said Fang nervously.
"Someone clearly did not want me to reach this island," I said, to gasps from the crowd.
"There are many who feel that way," said a voice, "but not all would resort to such conspiracy." From the throng stepped forth someone I had feared would be here; a rough-bearded man in fine furs. He nodded at me. "Coughlan."
"You two know each other, then?" asked Fang.
"Aye," said I, squinting angrily. "Rex Kokane, Viking Investigator... and my archnemesis!"
TO BE CONTINUED!
Our attempts to pull Oglem back into the balloon were futile when matched against the creature's strength. Every limb Oglem hacked off was replaced swiftly with another.
"It's too strong!" Fang pointed out, like a loser.
"Let me go!" shouted Oglem, seeming to enjoy the struggle. "I shall vanquish this demon, or die like a madman trying! Go! Save yourselves!"
We were reluctant, but it seemed the only option. We released our hold and sent our Viking companion to his sure death, still battling the Sky-Siren ferociously. The balloon swung fast in the opposite direction, but not before one of the Sky-Siren's tentacles cut a hole in its skin!
With our vessel now plummeting rapidly there was no choice. "Emergency death slide exit!" I said to Fang, and he understood immediately.
He smashed the glass case and pulled the red lever beneath, instantly firing a line from us in the air right to the island. I took hold of the first set of handles positioned over the line, and looked back at Fang.
"If I don't make it, tell every woman on Earth... I'd bone her," I said to him before taking the plunge.
Like a doctor with no social skills, gravity took a firm grasp of my balls as I sped down the line at a rate of knots, passing kilometre after kilometre with the balloon sinking behind me. I had not the courage to look back or below but one thing I knew: This was kinda awesome.
Eventually I landed with a masterful skid into the Isle of Spines' beach, only for Fang to collide into me, ruining a perfect finish. As we stood and dusted ourselves off, we found a delegation already awaiting us, consisting of both Vikings and Pirates.
A Viking stepped forward. "This must be John Coughlan, the Pirate Investigator."
I didn't appreciate the tone with which he said my name, but Fang confirmed my identity.
"Hail. I am Prince Voggath the Broad." And he was indeed. "We saw your balloon approach." He pointed to the balloon, now sinking into the sea. "Tell us, what of Oglem?"
Fang gave a small bow. "He did not make it, Your Highness. We were attacked by a Sky-Siren."
Voggath folded his arms and the other Vikings looked rather annoyed by this. The Pirates also stood ill-at-ease. "How convenient that it took only Oglem's life," said the Prince.
"It is indeed," I said, clutching my lapels like a fancy big-city lawyer. "For Sky-Sirens are rarely found so close to land."
"You... You think someone was behind the attack?" said Fang nervously.
"Someone clearly did not want me to reach this island," I said, to gasps from the crowd.
"There are many who feel that way," said a voice, "but not all would resort to such conspiracy." From the throng stepped forth someone I had feared would be here; a rough-bearded man in fine furs. He nodded at me. "Coughlan."
"You two know each other, then?" asked Fang.
"Aye," said I, squinting angrily. "Rex Kokane, Viking Investigator... and my archnemesis!"
TO BE CONTINUED!
