The Avengers Movie -- What I Want

I'm not normally terribly obsessive when it comes to film adaptations of comic books. I didn't want to blow my brains out because Zack Snyder changed the ending of Watchmen (or Dr. Manhattan's final line, which, quite frankly I'd be more inclined to complain abut than anything, but that's neither here nor there), I'm not making demands of Christopher Nolan on the next Bat-film, and even though I'm a huge Flash-fan and the current plans for that movie sound a million miles away from the comics, I'm not worried.

Because, at the end of the day, the film is a different thing from the comic no matter what. All that matters to me is whether or not I've seen a good movie, regardless of how "faithful" it is to the source material.

But fuck that thinking for a minute. I'm talking about The Avengers here. And yes, I've never actually read an Avengers comic (there's, like, 70 different series with that title for one thing), but this is bigger than that. This is film. And I know what I want from a film like this.

Here is my checklist for things that have to be in The Avengers:

• No character development whatsoever. Save that shite for their own movies (comics book writers could take note of this as well). I will accept a little bit of Captain America acclimating to the 21st century, but that shit should be done with by the end of the first act.
• A great big honking SHIELD heli-carrier.
• A great big honking SHIELD heli-carrier crashing and exploding. Preferably into the bad guy(s).
• Bendis-style team banter, but do not assume that this is enough to carry a scene on its own.
• Cap, Thor, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, War Machine(?) and Nick Fury in a circle, facing out, surrounded by bad guys; blasting, punching, smashing, hammering, shielding, shooting, bow-and-arrowing all of them in a fight scene so amazing that the Academy actually creates a new award simply called "HOLY FUCK!" and this film is the only nominee.
• Loki, while a brilliant character expertly portrayed by Tom Hiddleston, should not be the sole antagonist. We've already seen him beat; it won't be as impressive second time around. However, this does not mean that any additional villains should be in any way interesting. Focus on the good guys.
• That said, the plot should still be respectably intelligent, though not overly complex. Give us a reason for this team-up.
• Stan Lee should cameo as The Watcher.
• Captain America should shout "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" at the most awesome moment possible. Not before, not after. Just the once.
• Fun.

These are my demands, Whedon. You have just under a year to implement them. Godspeed.